What we Have Here Is...

I love that phrase! "What we have here is, a failure to communicate"....once again I am quoting a movie. After all, don't we all watch a movie and pick a character that we relate to? Lately I have been depressed.
As you all know, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer and HPV a few months back. I had done everything the doctors said, including surgery and a 1 week stay at the hospital from hell. I have not posted much recently due to being depressed...who wants to hear about others problems when we all have them, right?
Today, was a breath of fresh air, for a change. Bela and I went to the mall to buy a present for his nephews birthday party tomorrow and then went for a few beers afterwards. We talked and discussed a lot of things and some times we debated (a nice way of saying "argued") about ongoings in our life. Mainly our new website that we are trying to piece together. We both got a little tipsy and went minor grocery shopping at the store next to the pub to get bread and meat for sandwiches.
Bela arrived at the check-out counter before me as I was looking for any kind of "gummi" treats on sale. When I met up with him at the cashier, I had thought he paid. So i went and started grabbing the change left on the counter. He looked at me and said something that might as well been "blablabla" actuality was " to nije naše". I realized that he was speaking Croatian and said "what?". But then he repeated what he said. I read the sign language and put the money down on the counter.
As we left, I could not help but finally laugh after a week of depression. He did not realize that either he was speaking Croatian or I did not know Croatian. Either way, it was a failure to communicate but was exactly what the doctor should have ordered.
What is the phrase... "laughter is the best medicine"? I have to agree! I feel better than I have in a long time.
So you may ask yourself, especially those who do not think cervical cancer is health related (sorry, had to mention that again)...what does any of this have to do with the blog about cervical cancer? It has everything to do with it.
The blog is titled "Surviving Cervical Cancer"...and today I learned how to survive.
It is not about doctors, medicine, surgery..it is about communication, friendship, laughter, and everything else that makes our lives better. Survival...that is a strong word used so lightly. It is what we do everyday, in our own way.

Amputation to Rid Cancer

I was in complete shock when I read this story. And I have to say, I am not sure I would have been strong enough to have this procedure done to me. Here's the story:

A Lacey's Spring, Alabama women underwent a translumbar amputation on March 27 th 2009. Translumbar amputation (also known as hemicorporectomy) is a medical procedure that removes the legs, pelvic bones, genitals, urinary system, rectum and base of the spine (in short...everything from the waist down). A very drastic way of ridding one's self of cancer, but was necessary to live.
Melissa McCutcheon is a single mom with 2 daughters, Alyssa is 13, and LeAnna is 14. She was diagnosed in October 2002 with cervical cancer. Since that time, Melissa had undergone numerous surgeries and treatments to help stop the cancer, but they failed. She had 54 radiation treatments, chemotherapy, hysterectomy, removal of part of her colon and bladder, and surgery to disconnect her right kidney...but the cancer still spread.
The cancer then forced her to become bedridden by effecting the bones in her hips and giving her nerve damage in her legs. It was when it finally spread to the base of her spine, that she consulted her gynocologic oncologist about the translumbar amputation.
The doctors said the surgery went as "planned" and she is recovery nicely. Melissa will eventually be fitted with a "bucket shaped" prosthesis to allow her to sit up.
This was an extremely intense story for me to read as I am sure it is for most. Her courage and strength is heroic to us all. I would like to leave you with this quote from Melissa McCutcheon:

"My daughters want me to be there to go to soccer games, to their graduation, if this is the only way that can happen, they're OK with it. More than anything, I'm happy to have a shot at finally being rid of the cancer."

Philosophical Views

so, monday has came and went and so far no news from the doctor. i called yesterday and was told that she would call me when the results are in. i understand that this is the holiday season, but do i really need to wait any longer than i already have? its like reading a suspense novel where you always feel the urge to flip to the last page to see the ending.
is waiting really the worse part? at least if i had something concrete, i could move forward. move in the direction of recovery and/or getting on with my life. and no matter how much i try, i cannot stop staring at the phone.
one would be surprised as to how philosophical even the most logical person can get.
does a watched phone really never ring, or does it just seem that way?
is it too late to find god? was he ever lost to begin with?
what really is the meaning of life? is it based on faith in times of trouble or lack there of?
i would say its based on survival, but no one survives life. so is death the meaning of life?
if i may quote Isaac Asimov: "life is pleasant. death is peaceful. it's the transition that's troublesome"

Surviving Cancer

15 years ago, i was diagnosed with cervical cancer. problem was, i was pregnant with my son at the time. the doctors told me to abort the baby and have the cancer removed or neither of us would survive childbirth. i never had it removed and, i am happy to say, my son is now 14 years old. the cancer went into "remission" shortly after he was born and i have never had a problem since...until now.

almost 15 years to the day, i started having problems. my menstrual cycle was all out of whack. i bled for 5 weeks before going to the doctor. she prescribed me hormone pills to stop the bleeding and it worked. but then i went in for a pap test and a week later i called for the results. that's where the nightmare begins.
my doctor said the results were not good and needed to see me right away for a colposcopy. once she added the vinegar solution to my cervix, there was no doubt that a biopsy was necessary right then and there.
i asked her after the appointment what she thought the results would be. she stated "it doesn't look good". i have to call her next monday for the results, but having hope is getting more and more difficult.
i fought 15 years ago...and now i am fighting again. quite frankly, it becomes exhausting having to fight for your life everyday. some days you want to thrown in the towel and give up. other days, you want to scream at the cancer "YOU WILL NOT WIN!". its a never ending roller coaster of emotions and i'm not sure if i am ready for that again.
if anyone is reading this and has a story or thoughts they would like to share, then feel free. it's nice to know we are not alone in our struggle to live.