M.S.A.T.H...The Final Chapter....

.....this time, its personnel.....
yes I meant to spell it that way:)

Ok, I think I left off on Wednesday....Thursday and Friday were pretty quiet, as was most of Saturday. With the exception of 1 individual and I am not sure if he was important in the hospital or not...my guess would be that he was just the poor schmuck at the bottom of the totem pole, stuck working on a weekend. Anyhow, we (my roommate Kristina and I) were outside smoking with some other ladies when this idiot pulls up and starts running on about something....I had no clue at the time as I do not speak Croatian. So he goes over to some note that was posted on the window of the hospital and all of the women put there cigarettes out as I still have mine. He looked at me and said something similar to "blah blah blahich" and I responded with one of the only phrases I know "ne razumijem Hrvatski" (i don't understand Croatian). He goes back over to the note posted and says "Can you read?" really sarcastic...which of course opened a window for me to respond with "not Croatian" and smiled. So he led everyone inside and that was about it for the excitement of the day.
Sunday morning rolls around and going to the basement for my cup of coffee, I was told by another patient (actually Kristina was told and then interpreted it) that visitations were not allowed at all for that day due to the flu going around. It must have been some strange 24 hour Croatian Flu I never heard of, because they were already informing us that visits will be back to normal on Monday.
So we arrive in the basement, I get my coffee out of the machine and head outside (not for a smoke, but for the fact that I like sitting outside drinking my coffee in the morning). To my surprise, the doors were locked. I went to the other doors marked "Emergency Exit"..those were locked also. Every door in the hospital was locked and only certain personnel had the keys! Was this a lock down that is often shown in women's prison movies?! Was that safe?
I am certain, that somewhere along the lines, lock down on a hospital is not only a hazardous situation, but illegal and immoral as well. "In case of emergency, jump out the window" type of deal, does not set well with my brain. I must admit, that part of me..ok, half of me, wanted to pull the fire alarm just to witness the chaos. I still get an evil grin just thinking about it :)

for those who missed the first post in the "My Stay at the Hospital" series..click here

M.S.A.T.H...Part 7

Wednesday morning i was woken up as usual at 6:00 am sharp by a nurse. good news was, i was allowed to finally eat, so i anticipated the arrival of breakfast, which was due at 7:30 am, cracked open my book and began to read. btw..nothing else to do there without a television or radio.
like clock work, my first meal arrived and to my dismay, it was less than typical hospital food. it consisted of 2 pieces of white bread (not toasted) and a bowl of warm milk. ok, i will repeat just in case you think i mistyped or you misread....a BOWL of warm milk, as in, not a cup. now, rather the milk was for me or the vermin, i am not sure. though someone should inform these people that it is a woman's hospital and not a veterinary clinic. the only time i drink milk from a bowl is after i am done eating cereal, which apparently, they forgot to add. they also forgot butter, jam, jelly, or anything else that may go with bread.
at 8:00 am, the doctor came in with about 6 interns to check on us and remove the gauze from my vagina. of course, without curtains, my entire womanhood was there for all to see, including my roommates.
the rest of the day was long, but i did manage to finish my book, and since one of my roommates was sent home, it was just 2 of us, which made it a little more quiet and peaceful.

M.S.A.T.H...Part 6...Tuesday

ok, just thought i would warn you that this will in fact be a long post. this was the day of surgery and my nervous breakdown (to put it mildly). however, you will get 2 pictures and a few links with this post.......so here we go.

Tuesday morning began abruptly and precisely at 6:00 am (as did every morning after that). We were awakened by the nurse (to whom i like to refer to as Brunhilda) flipping on all of the lights and yelling "dobro jutro", though she did not sound as chipper as one normally sounds when saying good morning loudly. She then handed each of us a thermometer and left the room. 10 minutes later, she returned like a drill sergeant, ordering us out of our beds and to line up on the other side of the room. After a long speech to us, which i didn't understand, she made the beds and left. Now, when I say "she made the beds"..I refer to just folding down our blankets to the bottom of the bed (as if we were done with them) and straightening our pillows. I will get into the sanitation of the place later on.
Anyway, 15 minutes after Brunhilda left, I went in to take a shower. I dried myself off with a shirt (there were no towels, remember?) and then laid in my bed waiting for the time to pass. It was a very long morning since I was not allowed anything to eat or drink and that included water. Though the one women in the room, was allowed, so we (Kristina and myself) watched her eat. I will get into the menu and nutritional aspects of the meals later on as well.
Finally, around 10:00 am, Brunhilda came to get me and Kristina and took us to pre-op. As we walked down the halls (there are absolutely no wheelchairs..not kidding), I could feel the anxiety start to build within me. We arrived in a room with pre-made beds and we undressed and laid down in our individual beds (i should be thankful that we didn't have to share one). Brunhilda left and 2 other nurses came in and covered me with a green paper blanket and place my hair in a green paper hairnet (at least I matched) and wheeled me in to a room right outside the operating room. The one nurse gave me a little blue pill, which I later found out was a pain pill called "Ketonal" (though it would have been nicer to have the little blue pill from "The Matrix") and prepped my veins for the IV needle.
They stuck a needle in my hand 1st and it hurt a lot. I'm not sure if they missed or what, but they had to try again. So the nurses (and I actually mean morons) chose a spot directly above the 1st and of course, something went wrong. By that time I was in tears. Let me briefly explain to you my pain tolerance. Last June, I had fractured a rib and still moved about and never took a pain pill. I have had many bad relationships and am accident prone as well. So in the course of my lifetime, I have had broken ribs, fractured ribs, been in a fire (as you will see from the picture of my hand), fell down numerous flights of stairs, had my head put through a window, and have been sideswiped by a drunk driver while I was driving a taxi...just to name a few. So my level of pain that I can tolerate, is pretty high. The needle freaking hurt like Hell.
The 3rd attempt was apparently a charm as they stuck the needle in the inside of my elbow and it was pain free at the time. Then it was Kristina's turn to get the IV needle and they actually broke the needle in her hand. She ended up with the IV in the same place as mine. I then turned to her and said "I hope surgery goes better" and she smiled.
They then wheeled me in to the operating room and I heard a nurse say that they had put something in my IV and I would feel very "drowsy?" I'm not entirely sure what she said after the word "very". All I know is that when I heard her, I was staring at the ceiling in the operating room and then I opened my eyes to another ceiling in the recovery room.
I remember when I woke up, a nurse asked how I felt and I told her that I had to "go pee" and she replied "No you don't" and that was it. She took my blood pressure while I was still in the bed they had used for the operation and then I climbed into my hospital bed (not an easy task after having a chunk of your genitalia removed) and was wheeled up to my room. I then grabbed my glasses from the table and saw my right hand. I had 2 puncture wounds from where they had attempted to put the needle (or was attacked by a vampire) and a lump or knot half the size of a golf ball that was purple, green, and black.
Now a golf ball may not seem all that big, but take a look at your hand and imagine shoving half of a gold ball under the skin. Scary huh? I then located my cell phone and messaged Bela to tell him that I was okay. Within the next hour or so, several nurses came in to check on me (though an English speaking one would have been helpful). I asked 3 times to 2 different people about when I would be allowed to eat, drink, or even use the bathroom (I don't care what the nurse said in recovery, I really did have to pee). One nurse answered "sto"..meaning "what" and the other said I was not allowed out of bed for 3 days. No bed pans and not allowed out of bed..this was not going to be a pretty sight.
Around 3:00 pm, I asked a nurse again, if I may use the toilet. She gave me the "1 minute sign" with her finger and at that moment I felt like raising the "not so pleasant sign" with another finger. But I refrained. I then messaged Bela and told him that I wanted to come home. What was the point of being looked after if communication was impossible anyway? A doctor came in about 4:00 pm and spoke a little English, finally. She asked how I was feeling and I told her that I wanted to go home. She said I was suppose to take it easy for 10 days and I said that would be fine. I told her that I did not work, had a live-in boyfriend and had no kids living at home, so bed rest was completely possible. She responded with "You can still have kids". I repeated that I did not have kids at home so I could get bed rest. I even said that I didn't want anymore kids. She then said "You didn't have a hysterectomy. You can still have kids" I must admit, the thought of jumping up and smashing her head against the wall, did enter my mind.
A half hour later, Bela showed up and I told him everything that had happened that day and showed him my hand. Told him I wanted to leave and go home so he went out to talk to someone. He came back and told me that I had to be there for a few days (not sure why, since I read several articles online that said conization was outpatient surgery). That is when I really lost it. I don't think I cried that much since my father passed away. But the real clincher was when a nurse came in about 5 minutes after and took Kristina to go use the toilet and walked out of the room. At that moment, I knew that I was on my own. I stood up out of bed, which was not an easy task, and walked myself to the bathroom to relieve myself of the urine that was still inside of me since before surgery (roughly 7 hours). Bela kissed my forehead and said he would see me tomorrow and left. The rest of the night, I spent crying until I finally cried myself to sleep.

"Right after surgery, you will be taken to a recovery area where nurses will care for and observe you. Usually you will stay in the recovery area for 1 to 4 hours, and then you will go home."

As with any procedure that is done under anesthesia, you will probably need to fast for 6 - 8 hours. You must sign an informed consent form. The procedure is done on the same day (outpatient) and a hospital stay is usually not needed

The mildew on the wall beside my bed. Note that the wall gets darker but the pole stays white:



Picture of my hand 1 week after surgery:

M.S.A.T.H...Part 4

a half hour later, i was awakened by "blondie", who told me we had to go down to see the anesthesiologist. i don't know why since i was just there on friday, but then figured what the hell. so "blondie" doesn't speak to me the entire way in the corridor or elevator..she just led me along, and i mean she led me by having her arm around my waist and guiding me. then she said "stay" and went into the office. ok...i must admit that i am in fact a bitch sometimes, but by no means should i be treated like a dog. then she came out of the office and and led me back to my room. i was then informed that i could sleep now, and i did, because i believed her.
a half hour after that, another nurse came in, woke me up and took me to the back office where she took down my information that was already written on 5 other documents in my folder. i then went back to my room, and knowing better than to try to sleep, i picked up my book and started reading. at around noon, blondie came in with some disgusting liquid for me to drink along with 3 cups of water to help cleanse my system. an hour later, my lunch arrived. it was a coffee cup of what i think is suppose to be chicken broth and i was told that would be all i am allowed for the day. oh joy. though if any other form of vitamin or supplement was offered, it might not have been so bad.
i then tried, and i stress, tried to take a nap, yet again. this time, i was actually successful for a few hours.....to be continued

My Stay at the Hospital Part 3----Monday

We arrived bright and early on monday morning at "klinika za ženkse bolesti i porode"...basically it translates to "hospital for women". after asking 3 or 4 people for directions, we finally found the ward we were to be in. the wait was only about a half hour, so it wasn't so bad (though having more than 3 chairs in the waiting area would have been nice). but then we found out that "monday was preparation day". so basically, sunday was just a trial run and i was regretting not having that morning cup of coffee i deprived myself of. my boyfriend, bela, had then informed the nurses that i spoke very little croatian and i was from america. one nurse (we will call her blondie) , responded with, and i quote, "no problem".
so we go into the room that i will be staying in. it is what i described, with the 4 beds, 1 toilet, 1 shower, 2 closets, and 1 tv (which i guess is only for the lucky 2 people on the one side of the room), no curtains which equals no privacy. upon further inspection of this facility, i noticed that there were not any towels in the shower room, no hospital gowns (not even the paper ones), no juice or watered offered (even at meals), no toothpaste, toothbrush, paper towels, shampoo, or any other little complimentaries you might receive at a hospital. we even had to ask for our toilet paper. this just all seemed odd to me as i was under the impression that hospital was in fact short for hospitality. pretty much, if you didn't bring it, you didn't have it.
so i picked a bed, only 2 left (yes, the ones without the tv) and bela left. i unpacked some belongings and waved to my 2 roommates, who waved back but that was about the extent of our conversation for the day. i cracked open a book that i had bought just for my visit (very good btw..."one last scream" by kevin o'brien). i then fell asleep reading it due to lack of sleep the previous night....to be continued

My Stay at the Hospital Part 2

sunday wasn't such a big deal as i was home and had to be at the hospital on monday morning at 8am. though we were sure that surgery was to be on monday (mainly because we were told that), i took the adequate preparations to insure a complication free operation. i refrained from eating and drinking after midnight...even alcohol which would have made sleeping and relaxation a little easier. i went to bed around 12:30am and finally drifted off to sleep around 2am. i awoke bright and early at 6 in the morning and, as i was under the assumption that my conization was in a few hours, i denied myself my morning coffee as well as water or anything else. needless to say, i was incredibly thirsty and my mouth felt like it was stuffed with moth balls. i hadn't had cotton mouth that bad since my pot smoking days. which brings us to another chapter...monday
to be continued....

My Stay at the Hospital

i am back and not too soon. i got the results from my conization and am officially cancer free (insert extreme happy face here) though my entire experience was nothing short of a nightmare but gave me plenty of material that i will share with you starting now. however, since i have so much to say, this post or posts rather, will be broken up into little segments so i don't leave anything out. i wish to describe every little detail to its fullest and hope to achieve that. i also have a few photos that i took to prove this to be real, which i will post in some of the articles. here is part 1 of my story:

the once white walls were just a memory below the soot and everyday filth that cover them now. Torn and raggedy venetian blinds hung from the dirt and mildew infested windows (or at least the windows that did not have the security bars on them). the large, heavy doors were a dark green with what used to be cream colored molding, to which only fragments remained. plastered hallways were chipped and dimly lit. it was the type of place that one would think of when asked to describe a setting for a horror movie. unfortunately, it was real. it was the hospital that i had my surgery in...a woman's hospital actually. as you can tell, it was far from a pleasant experience.
the view from my room consisted of moss-covered rooftops and a dead tree. in the middle of the room was a black and white dinette table with 4 matching, yet taped-up, chairs. this was actually the only good thing about the room. though seeing how we were bedridden, it posed as more of a centerpiece that we could admire instead of portraying the functionality it was meant for. i guess in order for you to really appreciate the experience i had rendered, i should take you step by step.......to be continued

Conization

So i went to the doctor yesterday and found out that i need a conization. of course, after i got home, i started doing research on this. here is what i found out:

conization, also known as cone biopsy or cold knife biopsy, is where a piece of flesh from the cervix is taken out, either with a scalpel or laser, in the shape of a triangle. this piece is similar to a cone shape, hence the name.
this procedure has 2 functions:

1. to remove the abnormal or cancerous cells
2. to further investigate the extent of the cancer

upon removal of the tissue, the sample is then examined and the doctor and patient then decide what the following steps should be. sometimes, this is all that needs to be done. sometimes, further treatment is required.

this is a picture that i found on the internet giving a description of the cone biopsy process.

In a cone biopsy, the patient lies on her back, and a speculum is inserted into the vagina (A). The cervix is visualized, and a cone-shaped piece of the cervix is removed (B and C). A cauterizing tool is used to stop any bleeding (D).

in rare cases, it may become impossible to carry a fetus full term, so you may want to ask your doctor about this if you want to have children in the future.