M.S.A.T.H...Part 7

Wednesday morning i was woken up as usual at 6:00 am sharp by a nurse. good news was, i was allowed to finally eat, so i anticipated the arrival of breakfast, which was due at 7:30 am, cracked open my book and began to read. btw..nothing else to do there without a television or radio.
like clock work, my first meal arrived and to my dismay, it was less than typical hospital food. it consisted of 2 pieces of white bread (not toasted) and a bowl of warm milk. ok, i will repeat just in case you think i mistyped or you misread....a BOWL of warm milk, as in, not a cup. now, rather the milk was for me or the vermin, i am not sure. though someone should inform these people that it is a woman's hospital and not a veterinary clinic. the only time i drink milk from a bowl is after i am done eating cereal, which apparently, they forgot to add. they also forgot butter, jam, jelly, or anything else that may go with bread.
at 8:00 am, the doctor came in with about 6 interns to check on us and remove the gauze from my vagina. of course, without curtains, my entire womanhood was there for all to see, including my roommates.
the rest of the day was long, but i did manage to finish my book, and since one of my roommates was sent home, it was just 2 of us, which made it a little more quiet and peaceful.

M.S.A.T.H...Part 6...Tuesday

ok, just thought i would warn you that this will in fact be a long post. this was the day of surgery and my nervous breakdown (to put it mildly). however, you will get 2 pictures and a few links with this post.......so here we go.

Tuesday morning began abruptly and precisely at 6:00 am (as did every morning after that). We were awakened by the nurse (to whom i like to refer to as Brunhilda) flipping on all of the lights and yelling "dobro jutro", though she did not sound as chipper as one normally sounds when saying good morning loudly. She then handed each of us a thermometer and left the room. 10 minutes later, she returned like a drill sergeant, ordering us out of our beds and to line up on the other side of the room. After a long speech to us, which i didn't understand, she made the beds and left. Now, when I say "she made the beds"..I refer to just folding down our blankets to the bottom of the bed (as if we were done with them) and straightening our pillows. I will get into the sanitation of the place later on.
Anyway, 15 minutes after Brunhilda left, I went in to take a shower. I dried myself off with a shirt (there were no towels, remember?) and then laid in my bed waiting for the time to pass. It was a very long morning since I was not allowed anything to eat or drink and that included water. Though the one women in the room, was allowed, so we (Kristina and myself) watched her eat. I will get into the menu and nutritional aspects of the meals later on as well.
Finally, around 10:00 am, Brunhilda came to get me and Kristina and took us to pre-op. As we walked down the halls (there are absolutely no wheelchairs..not kidding), I could feel the anxiety start to build within me. We arrived in a room with pre-made beds and we undressed and laid down in our individual beds (i should be thankful that we didn't have to share one). Brunhilda left and 2 other nurses came in and covered me with a green paper blanket and place my hair in a green paper hairnet (at least I matched) and wheeled me in to a room right outside the operating room. The one nurse gave me a little blue pill, which I later found out was a pain pill called "Ketonal" (though it would have been nicer to have the little blue pill from "The Matrix") and prepped my veins for the IV needle.
They stuck a needle in my hand 1st and it hurt a lot. I'm not sure if they missed or what, but they had to try again. So the nurses (and I actually mean morons) chose a spot directly above the 1st and of course, something went wrong. By that time I was in tears. Let me briefly explain to you my pain tolerance. Last June, I had fractured a rib and still moved about and never took a pain pill. I have had many bad relationships and am accident prone as well. So in the course of my lifetime, I have had broken ribs, fractured ribs, been in a fire (as you will see from the picture of my hand), fell down numerous flights of stairs, had my head put through a window, and have been sideswiped by a drunk driver while I was driving a taxi...just to name a few. So my level of pain that I can tolerate, is pretty high. The needle freaking hurt like Hell.
The 3rd attempt was apparently a charm as they stuck the needle in the inside of my elbow and it was pain free at the time. Then it was Kristina's turn to get the IV needle and they actually broke the needle in her hand. She ended up with the IV in the same place as mine. I then turned to her and said "I hope surgery goes better" and she smiled.
They then wheeled me in to the operating room and I heard a nurse say that they had put something in my IV and I would feel very "drowsy?" I'm not entirely sure what she said after the word "very". All I know is that when I heard her, I was staring at the ceiling in the operating room and then I opened my eyes to another ceiling in the recovery room.
I remember when I woke up, a nurse asked how I felt and I told her that I had to "go pee" and she replied "No you don't" and that was it. She took my blood pressure while I was still in the bed they had used for the operation and then I climbed into my hospital bed (not an easy task after having a chunk of your genitalia removed) and was wheeled up to my room. I then grabbed my glasses from the table and saw my right hand. I had 2 puncture wounds from where they had attempted to put the needle (or was attacked by a vampire) and a lump or knot half the size of a golf ball that was purple, green, and black.
Now a golf ball may not seem all that big, but take a look at your hand and imagine shoving half of a gold ball under the skin. Scary huh? I then located my cell phone and messaged Bela to tell him that I was okay. Within the next hour or so, several nurses came in to check on me (though an English speaking one would have been helpful). I asked 3 times to 2 different people about when I would be allowed to eat, drink, or even use the bathroom (I don't care what the nurse said in recovery, I really did have to pee). One nurse answered "sto"..meaning "what" and the other said I was not allowed out of bed for 3 days. No bed pans and not allowed out of bed..this was not going to be a pretty sight.
Around 3:00 pm, I asked a nurse again, if I may use the toilet. She gave me the "1 minute sign" with her finger and at that moment I felt like raising the "not so pleasant sign" with another finger. But I refrained. I then messaged Bela and told him that I wanted to come home. What was the point of being looked after if communication was impossible anyway? A doctor came in about 4:00 pm and spoke a little English, finally. She asked how I was feeling and I told her that I wanted to go home. She said I was suppose to take it easy for 10 days and I said that would be fine. I told her that I did not work, had a live-in boyfriend and had no kids living at home, so bed rest was completely possible. She responded with "You can still have kids". I repeated that I did not have kids at home so I could get bed rest. I even said that I didn't want anymore kids. She then said "You didn't have a hysterectomy. You can still have kids" I must admit, the thought of jumping up and smashing her head against the wall, did enter my mind.
A half hour later, Bela showed up and I told him everything that had happened that day and showed him my hand. Told him I wanted to leave and go home so he went out to talk to someone. He came back and told me that I had to be there for a few days (not sure why, since I read several articles online that said conization was outpatient surgery). That is when I really lost it. I don't think I cried that much since my father passed away. But the real clincher was when a nurse came in about 5 minutes after and took Kristina to go use the toilet and walked out of the room. At that moment, I knew that I was on my own. I stood up out of bed, which was not an easy task, and walked myself to the bathroom to relieve myself of the urine that was still inside of me since before surgery (roughly 7 hours). Bela kissed my forehead and said he would see me tomorrow and left. The rest of the night, I spent crying until I finally cried myself to sleep.

"Right after surgery, you will be taken to a recovery area where nurses will care for and observe you. Usually you will stay in the recovery area for 1 to 4 hours, and then you will go home."

As with any procedure that is done under anesthesia, you will probably need to fast for 6 - 8 hours. You must sign an informed consent form. The procedure is done on the same day (outpatient) and a hospital stay is usually not needed

The mildew on the wall beside my bed. Note that the wall gets darker but the pole stays white:



Picture of my hand 1 week after surgery:

Test Results

well, my tests came back decent. chest x-ray showed no signs of lung cancer (great news). EKG was good and my blood tests came back ok as well. though i am lacking in iron and protein, it is still not major (i just need to start taking vitamins i guess). but maybe i don't. this brings me to the whole "blood test procedure" questions.
why do they advise you not to eat or drink anything 12 hours before a blood test just to tell you that you have low iron and protein in your system? shouldn't we be able to go about our normal routine and intake of foods before a blood test? that would be the most accurate of results i think. my normal morning is 2-3 cups of coffee with milk and sugar, so if i am denied that, then my sugar will be lower than it normally is at 8am. thereby making the results that they got while i was fasting, completely false compared to what my blood results would normally be.
now seeing how i graduated high school through a summer school program, i am sure (insert sarcasm here) that the doctors would know more about my body than i do. i am just making an obvious observation about medicine and how i think it should be performed.
everyone may be created equal, but our bodies are not.

Doctors and Algebra

i have to go see another doctor (doctor B) today about my cervical cancer. this is the one who is covered by insurance, but he doesn't speak english, which is why i was going to the private doctor (doctor A) to begin with. Now hopefully doctor B will just write the referral i need to go see yet another doctor (doctor C) on Thursday. doctor C is the oncologist/gynecologist. he'll be the one performing the surgery.

upon all these doctors and doctor visits, the question is posed: how many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb? i have been seeing so many doctors lately, i feel like i'm at a singles mixer for the rich and famous. call me old fashioned but i prefer to be tied down to one doctor and not play the field. to have just one doctor that does everything and not have your medical journal look like an algebra problem.

if A+B=C, then why can't i just go to C? is it just like in school when you can't just write down the answer, but have to show your work? my teachers always said that i would need all of that information i learned sometime in my life. i just never thought it would be that.

maybe life really is an arithmetic problem. death is "the answer", "showing your work" is life itself.

Worried About Surgery

its been a few days since my last post and for that i apologize. i spoke to my doctor on monday and i have an appointment tomorrow to go over the steps we are going to take with my cancer.
i have been depressed and didn't want that to come out in my blog, so i stayed away. as i said in earlier posts, i am an american living in croatia and right now i am worried about the communication difference, among other things. will i be able to talk to the nurses or doctors in the hospital? will they understand me if something hurts? will i be able to understand them when they tell me of my progress?
it may not seem like a big deal to most, but to me it is.
then there is the recovery period. i have never been pampered and i am guessing that that will not change. though, from what i have read, i will be out of commission for a few weeks. i will have to limit physical activity. problem is, i don't think i can. and if i do, then i will have weeks worth of dishes and cleaning to catch up on. should i pamper myself and play catch-up later, or just ignore doctors orders and go about my normal routine?
what would you do?

What Really Happens During a Biopsy

i thought i would shed some light on the truth about cervical biopsies. women reading this may want to bookmark this page to let your men read it later.
i have been to numerous websites before and am so tired of the word "discomfort" when associated with biopsies, mammograms, etc.
we are not allowed to have sex for a month after a biopsy. we cannot lift, run, or even walk fast...doctors orders. so why do they say it is just uncomfortable?
let me explain the procedures of a cervical biopsy to all of you from my own personal experience. i am not trying to scare anyone, but i feel women should be properly informed prior.

i am lying there in the doctors office with my feet in the stirrups (as usual) and she shows me this small, loop of wire at the end of a stick1. seemed harmless enough...WRONG! it consisted of voltage passing through the little wired loop to scrape tissue samples from my cervix, vaginal walls, and cervical canal. as if this was not bad enough...we then have to stop the bleeding from where we took the tissue samples. this is when we go from "discomfort" to painful.
and how do we stop the bleeding? with salve?..no....with a tampon (this would make sense)...no
we burn the wounds shut!...i am laying there and my doctor said that "now we have to stop the bleeding". i thought the worse was over...WRONG again!
next thing i know i have smoke coming out of my vagina. so i am laying there waiting for my doctor to yell "fire in the hole" and grab the extinguisher while i am fighting back tears and i'm wondering exactly how much more should one person go through before this is considered more than just a "discomfort"?
so men, please, if a loved of of yours has to go through this procedure, do not ask her to cook dinner, go grocery shopping, or expect her to wash the dishes. (Note: this does not mean that the dishes should pile up until she is well enough to wash them.) if you cannot grasp the concept of any of this then i will put it in terms you can understand.
turn on the stove...place your penis on the hot burner about 10 times for approximately 1-2 seconds each time. after that, see how much you feel like walking around.

1. LEEP...looks harmless doesn't it?